A photo for you.

This is what my baby will be looking like right about now.  This is currently what my baby looks like, it remind of a pokemon (man, you can tell what generation I am from), a alien pokemon.

MrsHolly

Teeth

I'm super paranoid about mine. Matt came home with stories about pregnant women losing teeth cause the baby steal calcium from them and makes them wobble and fall out.  I had braces, three years and 8 thousand dollars worth of braces. I am missing an adult tooth already because it came down rotten (the whole reason I needed braces in the first place), but generally speaking I have no fillings and brush my teeth kind of every second day (cause that is when I remember too). This changed dramatically when my darling told me about losing teeth during pregnancy.  I now brush my teeth three times a day, and milk -which I hate- gets drunk everyday, more than once too.  In fact I am drinking a mug of milk now, while writing this.

In other news, my mother is going baby mad. She text me on Monday informing me that "Grandma has brought grandaughter a cute outfit" when I replied stating that it might be a boy I got a text going (and I quote my mother on this) "Nooooo it's a girrrllll,". She has brought about three outfits this week.

MrsHolly

Names

My darling and I had always a rough idea of what names we wanted to call our kids. However, those names went out the window when Darling joined the defence force. So tonight being a particularly hot NZ night we sat down at midnight and decided on two sets of names. Just in case of twins.
So here are the deisicons:
Grace Cherie- Cherie is my darlings' mothers' middle name.  Grace means virtue and blessing.
Emily Jane- No relations in this one, these are people I admire. Emily Bronte and Jane Austen. It means eager or ambitious.
Christopher James- James is my darlings' middle name, also my fathers' middle name. It means bearing Christ, or follower of Christ.
Charles Francis- Charlie is one of the most amazing people I have ever met, and Francis is a teacher I had when I was nine who never stopped believing I would do great things. Charles means army, warrior, which I guess suits my darlings' career.  It can also mean manly and strong.
  They all work well with my darling's last name (soon to be mine as well). I really like Grace, my darling came up with it and I just get butterflies whenever I think of it. Oh well it's still too hot to sleep I don't how my darling is managing it to be honest. But he is in there snoring away. I suppose I should try to sleep,
MrsHolly

Hi Morning sickness Fairy... now go away!

Six thirty this morning was the exact moment my body realized it had a strange set of cells in it,  these set of cells wanted me to throw up apparently. They haven't been successful...yet. Though it's bad enough that I can't even day dream about going back to bed. I feel like I am going to lose every single meal I ate yesterday and some I didn't very, very, very shortly.
My mother always told me that throughout her pregnancies' with me and my elder sister (who was given up for adoption)felt terribly ill but never actually threw up I can only hope this marvelous anti throw up thing passed on to me. I really hope it does, cause if there is one thing I've learnt in my years is how much I don not like being sick, I used to avoid drinking so I didn't throw up.  And this feeling I am having right now is like that of 'Oh my god, I'm about to throw up,'  except generally when I feel that I throw up straight after. That bit hasn't happened yet, will I feel better if it does?
Next thing, when we go food shopping I'm going to get gingerbeer and crackers apparently that helps...
MrsHolly

Like flicking a switch

Two positive pregnancy tests later, I'm so tired and so hungry, and morning sickness has kicked in with a vegenace. Like flicking a switch, it might have helped that I am seven weeks pregnant today.  I'm just so sleepy, and so happy, more happy than I can ever remember being told my darling this morning, he is so excited, and scared. I don't blame him, I am terrified that we aren't going to be able to get ready in time. I've been knitting like  mad since yesterday trying to get my baby blanket finished. I have 231 days left to do it. Ugh so sleepy.
Can't wait to celebrate with my darling tomorrow, and I'll leave you with this.

My happy I just found out I'm going to be a mummy face

MrsHolly

Is no longer

Trying to concieve, because she is 3 weeks and 6 days pregnant.
MrsHolly

Testing On Friday

Yay! Testing tomorrow, and mum rang (finally!) to sort out Christmas, so I am working a little before Christmas at the cafe, and spending Christmas day with Mum. She wanted to know what I wanted for Christmas so I told her I wanted Pretty by Elizabeth Arden (my perfume) and new dance shoes (must have strap and heel) so hopefully I get my wishes.
Went to dance tonight, had so much MrsVic thinks I am almost ready to go up a level, So in the the new year I might start going to beginners' plus classes to prepare for the big step.
My darling is away still, but will be home on Saturday morning, so looking forward to seeing him, I miss him when he's away.
MrsHolly

Only 2pm and my day already sucks.

I had a hospital appointment today at National Women's in Grafton as I previously posted. I was suppose to go up on the 20th of this month but they rang me yesterday asking me to come in today at 11.30 instead. Which meant getting up at eight so I could walk up (I can't drive due to my epilepsy) I was really excited cause I knew I'd have to have an ultra sound while I was there, so I'd find out if I was pregnant at the same time. So I walked up, and was running on time, only to get to reception and have tell me not only am I in the wrong place, but they don't have any record of my appointment time change. So they sent home.
GRRR! I'm so up set cause I was looking forward to finding out today, and its a long way for me to go without supervision (I'm currently not taking my anti-sezuire meds due to dr's advice). Then when I got home I got a phone call, (which I missed) from the hospital, and I can't call them back, cause I have no credit >.< 
On the plus side it can only get better right?
MrsHolly

New Plans

So this morning I got a phone call from National Womens' Hospital asking if I could move my appointment to tomorrow instead of the twentieth, I haven't really talked much about my health issues on this blog. So I will explain them now.
When my darling and I first started trying for kids it was June this year. I woke up in July at 2am with a stabbing pain in my left ovary, like an actual stabbing pain.  I thought okay, so I'll just get some water and try and sleep it off. It had happen before but not this bad and it alway went away.
Eight hours later, I am still awake, and still in pain. So I got desperate (I must have been very desperate) I called evil Nana, because at the end of the day I knew she'd help, and she lived in the area. So she drove me to see my doctor in Rototuna. Who then referred me to the Hospital, by now its 5pm and I am still in pain.  I finally got admitted, after blood tests, pee tests, and x-rays, at 1am. Both my parents turned up at 10pm. Both lived about half an hour away.
So the next day, I talk to a gyno, and get an ultrasound. I can remember asking the tech if my uterus and ovaries were normal, and I remember her telling me they were.
They weren't. I have PCOS, and it leaves me with pain like I am being stabbed every time I ovulate. Well, that's their current theory. But more on that later.
After three days in hospital they let me go home, to my mother. I was there twelve hours, before my doctor sent me back to hospital. I had caught an infection in my hip bone whilst in hospital the first time, this time I stayed half a week before being sent home with crutches.
Now we get to October. I've moved up to Auckland, been living there a whole week, when the pain is back. All good, I'll take some morphine (prescription) and I'll be all good. Fail. So back up to hospital I go this time, Auckland City emergency department. Man, the difference was amazing! I got into a ward within three hours, well, a room by myself at least.  Then the next morning I was moved into a ward with five other women. I was guttered, not because I had to share my room, but we were right across from maternity. It reminded me that we still hadn't conceived. I stayed five days, and this appointment tomorrow is a result of that stay. In Hamilton they told it would be nine months before I had an appointment its been six weeks.

I love Auckland.  Seriously, six weeks for a non cancerous appointment is unheard of in Hamilton, in fact when they found out my mum had cervical they still made her wait 2 and a half months. Ugh, slack as.
Anyway, so my appointment tomorrow, its at 11.30 am, which mean I have to be up at like eight. My darling is away for the week so I have to go by myself. I am hoping I have yet another ultrasound (this will be number five without ever being preggers) and they find out I have a baby in there. I just wish my darling could be there. I kind of don't wanna find out without, but at the moment I can't even get ahold of him to tell him the appointment is tomorrow. I have no credit, neither does he. I have to email him, but he has to email me first, which he hasn't done. SO I can't tell him.
Lame,
MrsHolly

The weekend that was

Well, no news yet for me, the last couple of days have been exhausting though, and on the way to Kelly Tarltons  today I got bus sick, which is pretty major for me, I now apparently get motion sickness on  buses, boats and cars. When previously I only got sea sick, and a tiny bit car sick on really long journeys like Kaitia to Taupo journeys.
I'm just hoping its my body giving me hints to say we have been lucky this month =P
Speaking of which, (this is going to be TMI sorry ladies) after my partner and I finished off today, my uterus started having these funny little spasms. Like twicthes, I could feel them, and so could my DP. Physco.
Anyway Kelly Tarltons was heaps of fun, I really liked the sting rays, and Matt Brought me a teddy of a penguin.It is super soft and is wearing a scarf.

Oop dinner time
MrsHolly

Why do I torture myself?

With sad books...

CHRISTMAS Spazzy-ness

Check it out!!!

Yeah thats my first christmas tree in two  years, 6ft tall, fake, and green. I went a little nutsy with the christmas tree, I was giggling the whole time. So much fun! Heres one of what it looked like before I got to it, the first thing that went on was the star, which is what you can see my darling putting on here.

There is a very good reason why the tree is in the corner by the door, cause we had no space anywhere else. But it meant I was able to take some awesome arty photos, (total flukes, of course) of my darling decorating the tree, not that he actaully did, he was just watching but occasionally I'd make him pose so I could get a totally awesome photo like this one! Notice the see-through baubles in purple and silver, and the window chalk.

Yeah, in other news, my friends from Hamilton are staying at the moment. More on that later.

MrsHolly

Jobs for today

1) Get dressed (I am sitting in my pink bathrobe as I write this)
2) Ring the department of housing to see why I haven't got my bond back
3) Get a top up card so I can do the above.
4) While buying the top up card, do food shopping
5) Do food shopping
6) Clean out the kumara farm growing in our cupboard (so make sure I pick up rubbish bags while I do the food shopping)
7)Put darlings' washing on
8)Dancing (My darling is coming too! Just to watch =))
9) Do some swimming,
10) Load the dish washer and empty it

Well thats' all folks
MrsHolly

A soppy post (You've been warned)

Matt always falls asleep before me, probably because he works and I just laze around cleaning and trying to get pregnant. But when he falls asleep, I watch him sometimes (no its not creepy!!!), I watch the way his chest rises and falls, as my long ginger hair and head rests upon it. His heart seems to beat far too fast for someone who is asleep. It amazes me how he seems to be aware that I am here, half asleep myself, on his chest snuggled next to him. He is truly the most amazing man to me, the curve of his cheek, the touch of skin against me, the way he moves. These are the thing I want to memorize so that when his work pulls us apart again, I can close my eyes and go back to this moment where I am just lying here watching him sleep.

Not creepy, I just miss him when he's gone
MrsHolly

The simple joys.

I love the shower in our apartment. Simple as that.
For the past 3 years that I have been flatting, I've done five minutes of hot water showers, cold showers, lazy pressure showers, moldy showers, square bathtub showers, more black mold showers, the works. At one point I lived in a house where the shower head frequently fell down and hit the person who was in the shower in the head.
That was also the lazy pressure, five minutes of hot water, black mold shower, where my darling felt like he had to where sandals in when he came to visit.
At this flat, we have unlimited hot water, its clean (no mold!!!), its all flash and glassy, and the pressure is adjustable, so I can turn it really high, and really hot just the way I like my showers.
Good times.
I love my apartment.
MrsHolly

My Weekend

Was wonderful. My partner came home early Friday at about 2pm, to find a messy house and a girlfriend who has justr got out of the pool, still in the process of changing in fact. The fact of the matter is I had a very well-thought plan for Friday.
1) Gorceies (got done!)
2) Clean my house
3) Get dressed
4) Kick Dan out so I could make Babies
Now somewhere between one and two, Dan informed me we were going to lunch, so i toddled off to get sushi with Daniel, and ended up buying a 85$ Peachy Keen skirt to wear with the knee-high stockings, and lacy panties I had brought for numbers three and four. I may have over spent, but the skirt matched the knickers! I justified the purchase quite well I think, and I didn't tell my partner what I paid for it, which helps. Anyway..
So we went to lunch, and then went for a quick dip in the apartments pool, Dan an I that is.
When we came back from that, I went to go change and heard another voice in my apartment, My partner was home, and appeared to be growing some kind of fluffy appendage on his face. My darling was growing a 'beard'. After a months growth, I still hestitated to call it such. Heres what he normally looks like:

This is what he looked like with the fluffly appendage: 

Enough said I think.. But anyway despite him coming home to a messy house and unprepared girlfriend, I quickly changed and we went to the baby making process. Saturday my darling had to work so I just lazed around the house and played a lot of sims2 before going to bed early. He got home Sunday at ten-ish, later enough that I was awake and could open the door for him. We had a massive fight, which for a change was my fault, I got really upset that I had no clean clothes, I looked like sh!t and my hair wouldn't behave. I was just be whiny and taking it out on him. 

We got over that, and went to Rainbows end!!!!! I've never been before, and was super duper excited. I liked all the rides I could go on (Some would trigger my fits so I couldn't) except the power surge. From the moment that thing went up I started freaking out. I even told my darling that I would rather be giving birth than on it. I don't like being upside down very much. Actually I really don't like heights or the idea of falling very much either. I was clinging to the little hand-holdy things on the harness like you would not believe. My darling had to stroke my hand the whole of course, he thought it was hilarious. 

My darling is terrified of the fear fall. Completely hates it, and was determined that I was going on it alone. Until he saw my reaction to the power surge. Then he forfeited, I didn't even have to ask, he just told me that since he put me through he power surge he'd go on the fear fall with me. He didn't scream, I did. Didn't like that drop much, it was fun though, and my darling made the mistake of buying me candy floss, SUGAR. 

Monday

Well, At six am my darling got up and started to get ready for work, he had a dentist appointment at nine, which he was ordered to attend. But then the sneaky bugger caught me out (again) by coming home early (turns out he had the day off) and catching me reading my book in bed, at eleven o'clock in the morning. Whoops. 

Had a really cruisey day, got some baby making done (I refrained from telling him I had been ovulating on friday) and he played Final Fantasy thirteen while I did some baking and cleaning and just toddled around doing my normal day-to-day things, stopping a lot for hug and kisses though, that is the best part about having him home. I have him along-side for a whole week, then he's off again, and back by the eleventh of the month for the work christmas party, Which I am going with him too. Don't know what I am going to wear yet though.

Matt did my Nails last night, kid you not. Heres some pics of his handy work. 

My toes ^

Not a bad job for a boy ay? 

Mrs Holly

Home today!

My darling partner is home today!!!! Yay!!!
I cannot wait to see him!!
MrsHolly

Harsher?

Well, I am over it. He's forgiven, only because I can hear how much he is beating himself up about it over the phone, and I am worried about him. Do you think I let him off too easily? I know the few friends I have told definitely think so. But I don't. I miss him and just want him home, where I can prevent this kind of thing happening. Though I don't know what I will be like when he gets home, I might get mad again it's very likely.
MrsHolly

The peak of irony

Last night his ship was alongside a port with a big enough city for clubbing. So they went out, and My partner (I refrain from calling him darling -.-) got so drunk and rang me up, I was at a twenty first here in Auckland, and had a go at me bout trustworthies-ness . So I got upset and went home, and told him to go out (he was feeling bad for ruining my night)and have fun.
Well, he had fun alright. He had sex with some town girl, who unsurprisingly knew he had a girlfriend.

He told me straight away, I cried, and cried and cried. Now I want to know what i should do?
I am not leaving him, he is my everything and I couldn't even think about it. But I want to punish him somehow. I'm just not sure how, I have warned him that I will punish him. 

A night ruined.

Now normally my partner is the sweetest guy possible, so kind, so gentle so lovely.
However he does have a issue with jealous-ness. Tonight after spending six hours drinking with his defense force mates that problem reared its ugly head. I had gone out to Merwens 21st it was this styley little club with a whole bunch of people from ceroc. I went with MrsVic, and MrsSandra, I didn't dance at all, nor did I drink since I still may be pregnant.
My phone rang a handful of times, but it was in bag and the music was up so I didn't hear it. When I did check my phone I checked it straight away, too late however. The seeds of jealous-ness had been well and truly planted. So over the next hour and a half I got a series of pissed off-ed texts from ym other half. Till eventaully I just left the party cause I knew nothing else would calm him down when he was like this. So ileft and by the time I got to the lobby of our apartment building he rang.
Man, did I rip into him. I am calm ninety nine percent of the time.  But I was f*cking pissed tonight, I had to cancel my nights cause he didn't trust me to go out with my girl mates cause he'd rather I sat around home and just waited for him. When he goes out nearly every time they get to somewhere with a pub.
Argh! Just writing about is getting me annoyed again!
So I ripped into him, telling him what was what, all the while climbing eleven flights of stairs up to our apartment (couldn't take the elevator it would have cut out). And when he sobers up, I'm going to rip into him all over again.

MrsHolly

Maybe I don't know?

This is probably a waste of a post....Since I am probably being silly.
So I am trying to conceive at the moment, and this month I have done two neg tests since the last time my partner and I had sex (31st of October I know cause I had just got our of hospital and didn't feel like having sex but I was ovulating) and had my period. I have a lack of faith in tests due to the fact until my mother was 5 months pregnant with me her urine tests were coming negative.  I had previously (till about five minutes ago) accepted the fact that November wasn't our month.  I was getting dressed for  MrMerwens' twenty first, and I noticed a bruise (right around) around my nipples (TMI sorry!) and I know for a fact there is know reason for there to be a bruise there. Like a solid dark brown bruise. Then my brain kicked, thinking about how I had been feeling off, and that disgusting taste that was still hanging around my mouth...
Could I be pregnant even after all that? Or is this just some kind of freak occurence?
MrsHolly

One man home

MrsStephs' partner is home, we got a text this morning. I'm happy for for her, but at the same time I am green with envy. My partner still isn't home for another six days, and can tell me with utter confidence that he will not be home early. Lame.
So my plans for today is to maybe watch a movie, and bake a cake for Male Flatmate #1 (aka MrsStephs' partner) to come home too. Exciting day huh? In other news I got a phone call from my partner today, he's buying me a present while he is in the capital. Spoiled aren't I?
Six days till he is home =)
MrsHolly

Blessings

I have decided I must have done some utterly wonderful, because right now I feel like the most blessed women. The reason for this sudden realization?
I have a twenty minute phone call from my partner today, today we talked about pregnancy (no, still not pregnant I hear you have to have this funny thing called sex to be that), and about marriage. Marriage is not an unusual topic between us, we both know it will happen before 2012, not that we are engaged yet. He asked if he had to be baptized to marry me. Technically no he doesn't, however, I would like to married in a catholic church, as I am catholic, so my partner being a catholic too would help with that plan.  My partner listened as I explained that, and without a moments hesitation said he would be baptized for me. Isn't he just amazing?! I mean, how many men would do that, hence why I am feeling so blessed.
Not only that, but he's absolutely charmed his way into my whole family, they all love him, even the ones that haven't met him yet.
Man, I really hit the jackpot with my partner, he puts up with so much from me. When I lived in H-town I had really terrible depression, and he stayed with me even when I hated myself. Never even thought twice about being with me, not that I ever think twice about being with him. We are meant to be, if the last few years haven't proved that to everyone they must be blind.

Oop, my phone is ringing,
Mrs Holly

Ten sleeps!

Ten sleeps till my other half is home, I wish I could sleep them through. I'm OV-ing two days before he gets home, my goodness, Im really hoping they get back sooner. He is in Wellington this weekend, I am jealous, I love wellington and have family down there. Its tempting to arrange a trip down there for the weekend, but it would be a waste of money, but I just want to see him so bad.
In other news, I am beginning to think I am physic, no jokes. Last year I had a dream about writing this blog post, and talking about Matt in this apartment I remember it cause I was thinking "Fark, I don't even know where Matt is at the moment ((we were on a break)) I doubt we'll get back together, let alone be trying for kids"
Ha, whoops, I shouldn't doubt my dreams apparently.
Mrs Holly

Made in NZ

I had a funny thought just now, you know how people get those tats that say "Made in NZ". Well while I was "made" in NZ, I was conceived by the mystery father and the my mother while my mother was away with the Defense force. Now, I am marrying a member of the DF. So maybe I should get a tat that says "Made in the Army, Marrying the Navy"
Or maybe not, it was a funny thought regardless.
MrsHolly

The Big C

I am addicted to this show. It makes me sad, my mother has two types of cancer tyroid and cervical. She still smoke two packs a day and aside from money every week, I never hear from her. She won't live to see any children I might have get to primary school. And when the doctors said I would have difficulty having children she laughed and said "Thank god" In short my mother can be a bit of a bitch. But I still work hard to have a relationship with her. Sometimes I stop and ask myself why? But I always remember that at the end of the day she is my mother. So I keep trying.

Mine

Do you know the song Mine by Taylor swift ? Well I have a love affair with this song, the more I listen to it, the more I think about it in terms of my partner and I so I thought I'd disect it on here for all to see. I've edited the bits that don't remind me of my partner and I. 
Lyrics are in Italic. 
You were in college, working part-time, waiting tables
Left a small town and never looked back
I was a flight risk, afraid of fallin'
Wondering why we bother with love, if it never lasts
 -When My partner and I met we were both attending a small town college (high school for any americans reading) I was actaully dating someone else... But that was kind of falling to bits. So I was a bit aprehensive of falling for anyone again.

Do you remember, we were sittin' there, by the water?
You put your arm around me for the fist time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine
- The weekend my partner and I got to together we went to Kawhia (a really small beach town just a hour or so drive from where we lived). My friends and I did this often, my partner had never come with us before.  We went with two other guy mates who slept in the car, while my partner and I shared a tent. It was February, so the air had a chill to it but the days were still hot.  We stayed up all night talking, and the next day we sat on the jetty, fishing (the other two boys) drinking (all the boys) and sunning (me). He put his arm around me, and I fell hard. 

Flash forward, and we're takin' on the world together
And there's a drawer of my things at your place
You learn my secrets and figure out why I'm guarded
You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes
Three years later... I move in with him, in a big city especially compared to where we grew up. I had just worked for a year to get a big promotion in the university politics scene, and I gave it up for him. Our parents are both divorced, actually I don't even know who my real father is.  My partner lives in fear of divorce as do I, so we made an agreement to never let it happen. Even if we are miserable together if we are married we stay that way. 

But we got bills to pay
We got nothin' figured out
When it was hard to take
Yes, yes
All couples fight, mostly over money. We are not exception, of course, but ...when we fight I will stop sometimes and just turn to him and say 'I love you' cause it makes it all worth it. 

This is what I thought about:

Do you remember, we were sittin' there, by the water?
You put your arm around me for the fist time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine


Do you remember all the city lights on the water?
You saw me start to believe for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine
When I decided to move to Auckland to be with him, I was walking along a path in Devonport to meet him, it was a fairly sunny day and the lights were playing on the water in the harbor. Then I saw him, I started to spend up and threw myself into his arms. Thats when I knew I was moving up. Because we have been seeing each other for so long and I still get butterflies, my heart still misses a beat when I see him, its like the honeymoon stage never ended. 

I can see it now

He's fine!

After a sleepless night I am happy to inform you I got a text at 6.15am and my partner is fine, even more desperate to get him home now though. 12 days...

Tempting fate

A few days ago I wrote a post about not becoming a defense force widow. I had to tempt fate. Right now I am in situation where I've found about a potentially dangerous situation from a news website in an area where my partner is.
He's my life, my everything, and I have no idea if he is okay or not. I have people from his area of the defense force who work with him on my tabs, haven't heard from any of the,. Which is unusual.
If I were to lose him, I would lose all of myself with him. He is the very best part of me. The strenght that keeps me going.
I can't stop shaking.
I have no way to know if he is okay or not.
I'll just have to wait. Unfortunately, it is not the type of situation where it can be avoided. The danger that is. All I can hope is that his training sees him through and that he comes home to me. I have never been so terrified in my life. I would give my own life just to know he was safe right now.

Christmas comes to the beach

Just before I go to bed I thought I would post some picture of my flat, my make over (last night) and our christmas decorations!!! My partner is home on the 27th! Less than two weeks to go...12 days infact =)

Me after Mrs Steph did hair and make up. The dress is TLS original. 

Christmas decorations in the living room the big grey blinds are our curtains the go ceiling to floor. The theme for our christmas decorations is Purple, silver and red, as it matched our decor.

Money Money Money

So when my partner is away I live on pin money, and pin money alone. My pin money is suppose to be for me, it's called book money for by my partner. However pin money actually gets spent on groceries, and then what ever is left over usually gets sent to my partner at the end of the week when it inevitably asks me to do his banking. This is normally couple by a text saying "could you please transfer a little bit from your account into mine, like 40 or 50 dollars?" I get thirty dollars a week thats it. why the hell would he expect me to have forty or fifty dollars in my bank account? So thats normally about 12.35 being sent to his bank account from mine.
So long story short I end up spending my pin money on the flat and none on me. I wonder if my partner will learn how much it costs to run a house. That's my rant.

A good day

I had an interesting day today, MrsSteph has banned me from locking the bathroom door. I had a fit today while in the shower and my phone rang and she was trying to get me and I didn't answer. So she panicked. So no more locked doors, I suppose my partner will be quite pleased with that rule.
 I've been baking in the sun, its lovely up here and I am going be as brown as a berry when my partner get's home. I put sunscreen on but I am sure I'm still going to have heaps of new freckles.  Also we now have the pool code, so I went for a swim, Its really deep, up to my bottom lip so I have to tippy toe while I am in there. I did six or so laps of backstroke and two of breast stroke, I'm going to some everyday that its warm. The water is cold and lovely, and it doesn't hurt my eyes too bad. That new bikini (the spotty one) is useless though, so I'm going to wear my black one piece, the one I wore that weekend in Kawhia, the weekend Matt and I started dating, I am sure He'll remember it ;) Because that one won't accidentally flash the world when I am doing back stroke. Its a little too small now, I must have grown, but it does the trick. 
I recovered from this mornings fit well, and took some tramadol for the head ache, I have some bruises I can feel them, but the color hasn't showed up yet so I don't need to worry about questions about abuse or anything =P.
To the wharehouse! To buy some Christmas decorations!

Out of the Blue

I watched 'Out of the blue' tonight it's about the Aramoana massacre in 1990, exactly 20 years ago today. I was about six months from being born when all this happened, and as a women looking towards having her own children soon I thought about all the children killed in that massacre. What my mother and others must have thought watching the news reports, how they must have felt. That made me cry, and it made MrsSteph cry too, when we saw the young police men go in. Men the same age as ours, wearing a similar uniform.
What would happen if our partners went out to a similar situation tomorrow, what would we do? Would we even know about it till we read it, heard about it, or saw it on the news? I am not my partners contact, since we are not yet married, and MrsSteph isn't her partners either. My partners mother wouldn't be able to contact me, and I would sit there waiting until he came home, or someone let me know what had happened to him. It's a terrifying thought but something defense force wives'/girlfriends'/partners' face every time when their men roll out on ships/ cars'/ planes/ tanks. That something will go wrong, someone might too fast and hit a cop car, or they might get shot out in 'peaceful' land on an overseas posting, or a wave might roll a navy ship, or a air force helicopter might crash as was seen earlier this year. They leave behind women, mothers, sisters', girlfriends'. Sitting their worrying about there men.  Leaving behind broken hearts of the worrying women, that makes me worry, that keeps me up at night. But it makes me stronger, me and many other women.
So many girls,women and partners of defense force men have nightmares about losing them to a defense force accident, like the airforce incident earlier this year, like Aramoana, like Hans Molenar in 2009, like the rainbow warrior back in the day, so many men, so many women, so many lives lost in keeping New Zealand safe.
I pray that there are no more defense force widows. But I know there will be more, I just hope my name and MrsSteph's never become household names as defense force widows.

Bad news

Well, my dreams for the month have been crushed. Two neg tests plus a period spells no pregnancy this month. On that note I intend to spend the entire day doing comfort things such as spending the day in my pajamas under my duvet. Then when my partner gets back I should be ovulating so to try again, and since he's home for a week not just one night this time it might give us more of a chance. I'm going to play fable2. Fable 3 sucks.

Glee and DF girlfriend misery

We are a Glee house, 7.30 on a Friday night you'll find MrsSteph and I curled up on the couch watching it without fail. The boys (my Partner and hers) are not going to like this when they return and they need to be prepared for physco girlfriend rage if the are using the TV at this hour.
I emailed this to my partner today. It's only fair to let him know ahead of time.
The day are starting to feel longer, the longer my partner is away, and crying myself to sleep with my head tucked in his shirt has become the norm.  I just want to wake up and see him lying next to me, in stead I wake up and see his picture  where his head should be and the only reason I can smell him is cause I have his shirt under my head.  Only 2.5 weeks to go, it already feels as though his been gone a year.  I'm just not really coping to well with him being gone ae? It probably doesn't help that I have like four friends in this stupid city, ninety percent of my stuff is still in Hamilton, and none of my stuff is on the walls.  Still getting settled, and without him here I'm decidedly unsettled.
I miss him. At least until he comes and steals the TV when Glee is on...
MrsHolly

Naked Girls...WHAT?

So its about one thirty am and I'm curled up in my bed my partners pillow tightly in my hand when flop, someone lands in my bed. I assume its our flatmate MrsSteph, and pull one of my pillows onto the other side of the bed. Then I see this person has blonde hair, but I'm still not stressing out. This girl got hideously drunk at an office Christmas party and ended up here, she had been asleep in MrsStephs' room but I figured she got lost on the way back from the bathroom and crashed in my bed. No big.
At 3.44am MrsSteph texts me, she need to be let into our apartment building, so I trudge downstairs and let her in. Only to have MrsSteph say "Has she put clothes on yet?"

Huh.

How we do it

The question I get asked the most is how I manage being away from my partner ninety percent of the time. 

When we started dating we were in high school, it was something without responsibility and with what was mainly a one sided relationship. We started hooking up one night at a mates house, and then we spent a weekend in a tent in Kawhia, camping illegally generally being irresponsible. But the reality of growing up could not be avoided for long, my partner though being the same age as me (okay three whole months younger) was a year below me in school, so I was heading to University where he was headed into the defense force. Thats where we hit a glitch. I was not happy to be in a relationship where he was gone, and I didn't want to stick in that kind of relationship. So we broke up for six months.  I lost myself without him, I dropped out of high school, and went to university, had my accident, forgot a lot of things. Long story short. 

We got back together, and he said from day that we were in this forever. He also said that our relationship was going to be very hard, with him being away so much. But that it would work because we were meant to be together. 

It is hard, I'd be lying if I claimed it wasn't, our relationship is based on emails, surprise phone calls, middle of the night text messages, counting down the weeks, and most of a lot of love. At the moment my partner is away for a month perhaps more.  Sometimes are harder than others, but nights are by far the hardest things I have ever faced. Especially being in a new city without him. I cry sometimes, and sometime I put his shirt (with his deodorant sprayed on it) over a pillow, and go to sleep pretending it is him. Nothing really works too well. You still miss him just as bad. 

I live with another defense force girlfriend which helps because I know she goes through it to. Its easier than having people who say "Oh I know exactly how you feel I haven't seen my partner in 2 days". It takes everything I have not to snap at those people. I can go 6+ months without seeing my partner, you know nothing. 

So basically our realationship works because we work hard to make it work, it doesn't matter how long my day has been I email him as soon as I email, or text whenever he can. If my phone rings I answer it, who knows when I'll next hear his voice. 

Gosh, I miss him so much 3.5 weeks to go, 

MrsHolly 

Plans,

I love Tuesday, for me Tuesday is the day my pin money comes in. Now pin money is an old fashioned term but as we are an old fashioned family we use it. Pin money means "originally referred to money given by husbands to their wives for the specific purpose of buying pins" and while my partner is away pin money is what I use for groceries, books and random things like a cream and purple dress I brought yesterday. At the moment my pin money seems to go on clothes and books. Because since ninety percent of my stuff is in storage waiting to be moved up I am sadly lacking in both. So my plans for the day are to get dressed, unload the dishwasher, get the meat out of dinner (mince), write this plan down on normal paper, along with a groceries list. I know we need olive oil and tomato sauce, but we probably need topping up on a handful of other things.  Some Christmas decorations need to be brought, and I want to buy a new book. Oh, and a muffin tray! So i can do the final thing on my list make muffins! Well i suppose I better start off my day,
Mrs Holly

Starting off on a good foot?

So I'm praying I am a pregnant. My partner is in the defense force, and is away a lot, but before he went on his latest trip I was ovulating. Its been about a week and a half and my ... is due next week. We are activity trying to conceive, as much as possible when my love is away so much.
I have just moved entire citys for him, and gave up everything I ever worked for to be with him. Suprisingly I have never been happier than when I am here being a decorative girlfriend. I don't work, I don't really have responsibilities I get to do the things I love, which is cooking and cleaning, and baking, with out having to answer for why I don't work. My partner is just as much in love with the idea of having a house girlfriend as I love being one. We are just lucky he can afford it.
So the next steps for us are marriage, baby, (possibly at the same time =P) and our own home so that we are know longer sharing with another defense force couple (He's in DF she works), as much as I love them when we have kids I want to have our own home, its not like we can't afford it. Thanks Kiwisaver plus partners good saving skills! I'm useless with money, I get an allowance and I can go nuts on that, he handles the real money.
Anyway back to the hopeful pregnancy, I was ovulating when we tried, so I am really hoping this will be our lucky month. Both my partner and I are looking forward to this potential child, he rang me the other day wanting to know if I knew yet, he was so eager, it was darling! Anyway, it is one o'clock in the morning here, and I think I can finally mange sleep. Busy day tomorrow, I'm off to get the first of the Christmas decorations and a muffin tray so I can do some more baking XD
Mrs Holly